You know I love endurance sports, and I totally dig the self-satisfaction they bring to my life - the endorphin rush, the confidence they've given me, and the much needed challenge they present to me. While I do love them, and I consider myself an endurance junkie for life, I have something to confess:
I have been USING them.
Focusing on my next race or my next seemingly unattainable goal in triathlon has been my diversion technique. It's been a smoke screen. It's been a substitute to keep me satisfied with a career that falls well beneath what I could and should be doing. Not to mention what I'd like to be doing. And let me just tell ya, you really can only swim, bike and run so many miles in a week. Or a month. Or a year. You can even smash your "if everything goes perfect" goal, and live on the SuperMegaExtraStrength Ironman endorphins for quite a while. But sooner or later, the cloud will lower you back down to Earth. The smoke will start to clear, and you'll still have what you always had, except you get to wear M-dot stuff everywhere you go.
The good news? When you have this dream goal that you see no way in hell of ever reaching, and then you start taking steps in its direction, and you eventually take the plunge and announce that you're going for it, and then you reach it, and you far surpass your goals in reaching it; you realize that with hard work, persistence, and dedication, you can do so much more than you ever dreamed possible. You realize how badly you used to limit yourself when you said, "I could never do an Ironman," or, "I could never do an IM in less than twelve and a half hours." You realize that while the path looks daunting, it is extremely doable if you'll just dig down and do what it takes.
The bad news? You have to face the facts that you've been living a life limited, in so many other areas, by that "I could never do an Ironman" thinking. Facing the facts means having to step outside your comfort zone. Risking ridicule and/or embarrassment. Even failure. It's frightening.
I've got to stop just living vicariously through IronLana. IronLana needs to take over in all the other areas of my life. My parenting, my career, my relationships, my commitments, etc. I know, deep down, that IronLana is the REAL Lana. To hell with the circumstances, the excuses, the surroundings, and the conditioned behavior...IronLana is Lana. Everyday, every hour, in all that I do.
1 year ago