Thursday, January 03, 2008

Hoooge Body Parts

I debated on whether or not to blog this, as I’m sure it will fall under the TMI category for some of you, and I’m pretty sure it’s going to embarrass any of my family members that happen to read it. But in the end, I decided it just had to be blogged.

So without further ado…

We were bustling around the house one night during the holidays, and I had just gotten out of the shower and started to get dressed. I managed put on my underclothes, and summoned Bo, our 6 year old, to come hop in the shower now that I was out. He did so, without argument, like he always does. Bo does what you tell him to do, and he doesn’t argue with you. Briar, our 11 year old, however; is the opposite. He will argue you into the ground trying to get his way no matter how big or small the issue. Back to Bo, though. Along with his submissive personality comes sheer bluntness. And I mean blunt as in no holds bard, very matter of fact, cut to the bone blunt. Briar, on the other hand, will say whatever he thinks you want to hear, and he will be sad for 2 days if he thinks he hurt someone’s feelings. Bo – not so much. The truth is the truth with him, like it or not. If you don’t want to hear it, don’t ask. As a matter of fact, don’t stand in front of him half naked, either.

Before I get into the heart of this story, I have to tell you one more thing. Bo has always pronounced the word “huge” like “hoooge” or “hoooj” or “who with a ‘j’ sound at the end”. Now that you can hear the correct pronunciation, I’ll get on with the story.

So I still hadn’t gotten any more than my underclothes (i.e., bra and panties) on when Bo yelled for a towel, turned the shower off, and said he was done. I hurriedly grabbed a towel, and ran to the bathroom. I was drying the water off him when I realized he was staring at me, wheels turning at a cadence equal to 100 of my rpm's on the bike. Then he made eye contact with me, and very seriously announced,

“Momma, your boobs are a little hoooge.”

“Uh, oh ok, Bo.” I replied as I couldn’t help but turn and look in the mirror to see if I noticed such a difference as well.

Now, let’s go ahead and get this out on the table. “Hooge Boobs” for this 31 year old who has previously breastfed two hungry baby boys is in no way a complement. For the shape that these jewels were left in following pregnancy and breastfeeding, “hooge” is not a good thing. And by shape, for those of you aren’t following me, I am talking along the lines of a tube sock with a baseball in the bottom. “Hooge” merely means the chicken, dressing, sweet potatoes, wine, and chocolate fudge during the holidays have transformed my baseball into a grapefruit. Not. Good.

I dismissed his comment without thinking too much about it…I mean, I’ve always heard that’s the first place you lose or gain weight…so if it’s just now showing up there I still have time to rectify the matter with little damage, right?


As I finish drying Bo with the towel, Briar yells for me. I turn and walk quickly out of the bathroom, instructing Bo to go ahead and get dressed. But he chases me down with a very concerned look on his face and urgency in his voice.

“Momma, Momma wait!”

“What is it, Bo? You need to go get dressed, okay?”

“But Momma, your butt is hoooge too!!! It was SHAKING!”

~moment of silence~

Now that one hurt. It’s gone to the booty. We gots a problem. No wonder those jeans have been tight in the ass. I guess it wasn’t the dryer after all.

Needless to say, I didn’t dismiss that comment. Six year olds don’t lie about hoooge boobs and hoooge booties that shake. Yeah.


jkrunning said...

Oh honey. That is too funny. My children say the same thing to me.

IronTriTim said...

LMAO! Guess I've got all that to look forward too.. the honesty of kids. Though you might want to explain to him when he gets older, girls don't like honesty!

TriSaraTops said...


LMAO! But WITH you. Not AT you.

He is hoooogely cute. That's a good story to hoooogely embarrass him someday in front of his future girlfriend. :)

Oh, if JayZ could wait, it's better that he can't.

Lisa said...

Ahh, boys, don't ya love 'em? :P
Too cute!

Darrell said...

TMI, probably, but darn funny to read. You gotta love kids saying whatever there is to say.

Wes said...

I don't see a problem with hoooge boobs :-) Of course, Dee Dee always says she wants'em back up here and well, you get the idea. The butt thing though is easily fixed with many kick drills and hours on the bike :-) Smart kid, that one!!

Happy New Year to you too :-)

Michele said...

Brye has that honest thing too. He once asked me when I was having the baby.
You will be back to your slim trim self in no time now that Christmas is over.

Rice said...

lol, I like this kid..



Christine said...

Hello! I am new to running and blogging...but I love your blog. Your kids are adorable, and your passion is inspiring. Keep it up!

Iron Girl Nyhus said...

HOW FUNNY!!! Oh my... out of the mouths of babes :)


monicac2 said...

Aaah, the wonderful changes our bodies go through after pregnancy and nursing! :)

So, yes, the hooj boobs ... maybe not so good. The hooj booty, though - hey, it's not a bad thing to have a *little* junk in the trunk! :)

Benson said...

Very funny story. Kids are so honest, you gotta love them. Don't sweat the little shape changes. Now that the holidays are over, you'll trim right down in a second.
Enjoy it.

Taryn said...

Ohhhh you poor thing... at least he's 6 and everything is "hoooj" to a 6 year old's eyes!

Papa Louie said...

Just don't ask him 6 months from now when you are in top shape if the boobs and booty are still hooj.

Happy New Year, Lana!

Tri-Dummy said...

"I am talking along the lines of a tube sock with a baseball in the bottom."

That was funny. I don't care who you are.

You being a Southern girl, I thought you might use "shaped like a dead squirrel in a knapsack."

That's from the GIT ER DONE, feller.

IronJenny said...

That was hilarious, Lana!
Kids are honest, that is for certain. Bobby just told me, "you're kind of gradually getting fat".

Rae said...

Oh no!!! Remind me to never go on a beach vacay with you guys because I couldn't take the "mommy, what's the dimply stuff on the back of her legs" question!!! But I'm sure it's tough to be upset and someone so absolutely cute!

tri-mama said...

aaaaaaggggghhhh - that's a riot. Can't wait for this weekend-see you Friday

Bigun said...

ya know...really, what does a lil' kid know about hoooj? It may be time for a second opinion...

when he asks, "Mommy, you want some fries with that shake?" - then you are in trouble.

Ryan said...

I am glad to be a man! The birth of my daughter has had no ill effects on any part of my body (bank account exception). Oh and when I am "scantily clad" hoooooj, used in relation to me, is a good thing.

jahowie said...

LOL!!! This is too funny.

momo said...

lana, this is priceless! that boy is too cute!

can't wait to see you this weekend!

triguyjt said...

at least he didn't accuse you of having junk in your trunk :-)
Kids say the darndest things !!!

or...the Hoooojest things

and yes, that story will be brought out by you in those years that he is on it.

greyhound said...

What makes that so funny, in addition to his being cuter than a bug's ear, is that I've seen truly HOOOOOOOGE people -- mostly waddling to their desks in my office building or smoking their cancer sticks outside. Let's just say that they would find your racing attire WHOLLY inadequate to encase their HOOOOOGENESS.

Lance Notstrong said...

Kids will be kids :-)

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