I ate an organic banana today

And I'm embarrassed to say that it was my first ever organic food purchase, to my knowledge. I want to eat organic. There's not even a grocery store that carries organic food in the town I live in. I know it is much better for us. So I went to Kroger after work (in a different town) and purchased the bananas, and I like them. Next up: organic broccoli and cauliflower.

I was going to post splits and talk about runs and stuff, but let's not do that right now. I have other stuff on my mind. Fair warning, though: This is not my typical post. Those easily offended might want to move on along for now and wait for the splits.

Ok, I'm going to admit it. I spent the last 5 years of my twenties talking about how I was not afraid of the thirties and how I welcomed them and couldn't wait to actually feel old enough to have my children and look old enough to not get carded every time I try to purchase a glass of wine.
And so I turned 30 last year(and 31 2 days ago), and now all of the sudden I'm thinking about things like I've never thought about them before. Kinda strange. Like...what is up with these wrinkles and how much does Botox cost and I need a lift here and a lift there and, well you get the picture.
Of course it doesn't help matters when you wake up one Saturday morning and your 5 year old wakes up about the same time all snuggled up in your arms, and as he starts focusing in on your face through the haze that lies between his sleep and conscienceness, he looks concerned, moves his eyes closer to my face, and says:

"Momma"

"Yes, Bo?"

"Momma, you're growing a lot of wrinkles on your face. Right here...and over here...and right here." (as he points first at the very obvious New Madrid Fault that lies between my eyes and gets deeper every day from my concerned and serious furrowed brow)

I jump up and go look in the mirror, and then proceed to think very Botox thoughts for the rest of the day, and week, and we'll I'm still thinking about it.

Aside from the wrinkles, though, I'm thinking that the twenties made away with my flexibility when they left. And so, I'm starting to think very panicky yoga thoughts and trying to see where and when it can be fit into my marathon schedule. I really fear becoming stiff as a board, ya know.

But those are physical things, and it's not only physical things by which I am being blindsided. It's intellectual and spiritual matters, as well. I stepped outside myself one day, took a brief look, and realized how pathetically ignorant, uneducated, and uncultured I really am. For instance,
I graduated High School with a 4.0 and went on to get a B.A. in Computer Information Systems while starting a marriage and shortly thereafter, having and raising kids. I have been to probably half of all the states, been on a little cruise to Jamaica and the Grand Cayman Islands, but I really know nothing about the
world I live in. Yes, I remember taking tests on world history (ace-ing them of course), and I watch enough of the news to hold a political discussion without completely embarrassing myself, but I think for the first time in my life, I realize that I know nearly nothing. I mean, I made the
grades in school, but I didn't really absorb anything. There were more important things in the town I lived in. During Elementary and Jr. High, kids are focused on one of two things, depending on which route they are starting to go down: 1.)The sport(s) they are playing, or 2.)The band instrument they are playing.
Get on up to high school, and the opposite sex and the next field party become number 1, with the sport/band thing a close second. Anything else is just not cool. This is not at all a knock on my parents, because they, of all people, did not stress these things and tried to keep my head screwed on as straight as possible. But there is not much a parent can do when
the entire community culture gravitates toward one or two things. Girls didn't look too far beyond their boyfriend as far their future went. And boys didn't look too far beyond the next Bud Light. But, I digress. Mom and Dad, you may now insert the "I told you so".

Some people might say this is a reflection of my age at the time and not necessarily my surroundings. Right now, the way I see it, I don't think so.

Moving on to spiritual matters, I guess this is what concerns me most right now. What do I believe about the creation of the world, and about God and the pathway to Heaven? Well, of course I believe what I was taught by my parents and Sunday school teachers at a very young age. And it was re-enforced every day/month/year from there on out. Problem is...I ask a certain question
a little too often in my life for this state of blissful ignorance to continue. That question is "Why?"

Me:Lana, why do you believe in the story of creation?

Lana:Uhhhh, well, because the Bible says so.

Me:And why do you believe the Bible?

Lana:Uhhhh, well, because Mom and Dad believe it. And so does most everyone I know.

Me:Why do you believe them? Are "they" authorities on the topic? Why do "they" believe it?

And so I am confronted with the bothersome question of why I believe what I believe about something very basic, but very important and instrumental in my entire faith. And right now, I am not sure what I believe about spirituality, and faith, and how we got here, other than a few things that I know, personally, to be true:

- I know that I am better off to be unsure but seeking the truth than to be walking around in a state of ignorant bliss based on what "they say".

- I know that I have, since I can first remember being on this earth, always instinctively talked to a superior being.

- I know that He has given me undeniable peace, when I have asked, in times of tragedy and turmoil

There you have it. Me. 31 years old. Wrinkled, Ignorant and Uncensored. And that was only a fraction of it.