Monday, December 18, 2006

I am alive

Still no race report, but because several of you have inquired about my well being and my safe return from Vegas, I thought I'd let you know that all is well. We got home last Tuesday night and have been running crazy ever since. I have started on a race report, but have yet to finish it. Hopefully tonight will be the night, but don't hold me to it - I told Michele "tonight" 4 days ago. And just to be right honest with ya, I'm having a hard time with it. The race is over, the pain is gone, the soreness is no more, but the 4:08:28 is still there. It's just me, those 8 minutes 29 seconds, and a big fat question mark left.

Logical Lana scowls and stares down her nose at me saying "You just ran the Las Vegas Marathon. Not only that, you finished it. Not only that, but you finished it in 4:08:28 despite some brutal wind conditions. There are people in this world who will never get to run a marathon. There are those who will start but won't finish. Girl - you have family and friends RIGHT NOW going through radiation and chemotherapy for cancer!!! They just want to live! MJ gets up and goes to the rec center to do whatever she has the strength to do just days after her treatments. And you hit the "snooze" button and go back to sleep because you are upset over 8 minutes and 29 seconds????? Pa.Thet.Ic."

Competitive Lana steps up. "Look here, Little Miss Logic. Lana realizes all this. And you are right - Lana is blessed, very very blessed. But in your little logical world, she never toes the start line at Vegas. Or in Nashville, for that matter. Because it just doesn't seem logical to spend 16 or 20 weeks running all over the county at all hours of the day and night to prepare for a such a thing. And it certainly doesn't seem logical to be climbing fences at the local track at 5 a.m. for a speedwork session. Or to pass on the glass of wine or to be getting butterflies in your stomach the night prior to a long run because you're nervous about keeping a certain pace. PACE! Do you hear that word?!?! In your little world of logic you must understand that if one spends 16 weeks of training geared toward one thing - PACE - and ultimately fails to meet that pace in the culminating event she's...well...SHE'S PISSED!!! I will grant you, Lana needs to get back with the program like, yesterday, and quit hitting the sooze button and such. But I think she's got a right to be upset."

And so I waiver back and forth. I am upset. If it had been a 5 or 10k, I could just find the one going on next weekend, hope for better conditions, and try again. But 26.2 miles??? I don't know. And the thought of those 8 minutes and 29 seconds hanging over my head going into triathlon season??? Not good.

I will, though, take a moment away from my self pity and give out some much overdue congrats to Michele - Great job at Memphis(PR by like, 20 minutes)!!!, David - Congrats on the PR in Hunstville!!!, Lance - Way to make it in under your goal at the White Rock Marathon!, Phil - Congrats on the 30k PR - you are FAST!, and Jodi - Who ran the Vegas Half and PR'd!!

And thanks for all the comments and emails...and particularly to Phil, for helping me put things into the correct perspective.

I will get that race report out asap...

7 comments:

Triteacher said...

I so hear you! In fact I could fill up this whole comment box and more, but I won't. We're out here to hear you, and I think your thinking is right on. And Lana, you did a marathon! Yay!

Michele said...

Well, I know just how you feel. I have some time hanging over my head too and it is going to be there for a while.

Take as long as you need to get that race report written. Easy for me to say since I have gotten most of the details. :)

Let's start working on 2007 race schedule. You know it is time for me to start bugging you.

Lance Notstrong said...

Don't beat yourself up too much. Sounds like between Logical Lana and Competitive Lana, you are pretty balanced.

BTW, you forgot to mention guys like Lance who would love to run a 4:08 marathon!!! :-)

Bob Gentile said...

Lana thanks for the UPdate...

I love U and Michele's FIRE to reach your GOAL's and get PISSED for not reaching it...

It's OK to be pissed, that means that U guys are passionate and CARE about REACHING your Goals and not just accepting getting CLOSE...

LAST NIGHT I watched "A race for the SOUL WS100" dvd ... I watched a lady RUN hard to the Finish ONLY to MISS the 30 hour cut off limit by 52 secs. My heart just SUNK for her and so did everyone else who watched BUT she finished and YES she was "PISSED" she said I really wanted that BUCKLE... Ya know IF she said anything ELSE other then that, I would have to question if she was really sharing the truth with us....

SOOOOOO Be pissed but be PISSED as you TIE those laces up and GET Back to your workouts...

You and Michele are going to have a GREAT 2007'!

Bob

Phil said...

Get the report out when you have the time. We still want the details. Hope the week goes well for you.

trifrog said...

Fortunately you have a logical side that indicates to your competitive side that it's out of sync.

I was constantly competitive with the 5K & 10K races, but as you say, it's easier to run these regularly to know what we're capable of doing and what to do to improve.

But the marathon I ran just to finish and participate, there was no arbitrary time to complete because I thought that's what I should be able to do or not. The race is too long and the training too variable to narrow it down to that.

It should be about the journey, not the destination. You have all that time training and learning about yourself and experiencing the joys of being in great shape. Think on those things and move past the 8:29 which is only 1/2% of an entire day in length; multiplied by all the days and weeks and months and years you've been on this earth, what happened in those 8.5 minutes should hardly determine who you are being and what you are feeling and experiencing now.

jen said...

Great post, I have had that exact conversation with logical/competitive me. Very well put. :)

Congratulations on your amazing marathon, no matter how you feel about it right this second!